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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,...
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hmm.

[Side note: Well, I changed my template around. I've been trying to figure out Blogger's HTML, and it's been quite an experience. I've had a lot of fun today experimenting around with this. I can't decide if I like this template... I mean I do, but there are some things I don't like. What do you think?]

Tonight we went to church, and I got to see a few families who have gotten their children from Haiti! It has been amazing to see how God's sovereignty has prevailed, even in the midst of disaster. My heart is overwhelmed just thinking about His goodness. How great is our God!

The church service was amazing tonight. Oh my goodness. Our pastor's brother spoke, and he had the most encouraging message I've heard in a long time. His topic? Embracing your weakness. This is the key verse he used throughout the sermon, and even though I've read it many times I'm just now seeing it in a new light:


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 1 Corinthians 12:9
Wow. Isn't that powerful? Jesus is able to work through us when we are weak, rather than when we are strong. He wants us to rely on His strength.

God wants us to grow through affliction. Sometimes He will deliver us from it, and sometimes He won't. It's been so hard for me to understand this. Then I realized... Jesus pleaded with His Father before he was going to be crucified, asking if there was any possible way this cup could be taken from Him. God had to say no, so that His perfect plan would prevail.

The speaker shared the story of two pots. One of them was formed perfectly, had no flaws, and always came back from the well full of water. The other was cracked and broken, and had many imperfections. One day, the Master said to the broken pot, "I knew you were cracked and imperfect, and so I took the time to walk behind you and scatter seeds. The water that you leaked was used to let those seeds grow, and now they are the flowers and trees that bring beauty to your path."

Isn't that powerful? I loved that story! This whole concept makes me think of a song my dad has sung to me ever since I was a baby, and you probably know it --

Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

We don't have to be perfect, because God is, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. How wonderful a thought that is! His grace is sufficient!

These are just a few thoughts that have been floating around in my mind and I just had to articulate them in some way. Feel free to chip in with your thoughts!

[Oh, and on another side note, I am actually kind of looking forward to practicing impromptu speaking in a few days. I'm not dreading it, that's for sure. Thanks Catey!]
His love is yours,
~Kylie
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