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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,...
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Character Letters: Kaysie & Cy

It's been a while since I last participated in the Character Letters meme hosted by Rosamund Gregory, but I saw the new edition up and thought I'd give it a try again. This is a blog meme much like Beautiful People except it's dedicated to first-person character development. It's just as it sounds; you write a letter from the perspective of your character.

Last time, Elleri was my victim of choice. This time it's Kaysie, the main character of a futuristic semi-dystopic novel that I started on a whim. It's nameless and plotless and I love watching it take shape beneath my fingertips.

This letter is self-explanatory (I hope) but it's basically Kaysie reacting to the current events that are taking place in the plot. Lots of stuff going on, guys, and I don't know the half of it. This letter really did help me flesh out the depth of Kaysie's feelings for Cy and her feelings about the event that's currently happening. I really liked getting a chance to get inside Kaysie's head and act her out for a little bit. It was good to really feel what she was feeling and figure out what she's been thinking.

I typed this in an incredibly delicate font, a font that I personally like (the font is called Miss, for those who wonder). Upon further consideration, I can't decide if that's the way Kaysie actually writes or not. In actuality though, I feel like she'd write with a bold, practical font that has a slight edge of femininity to it, but not too much. (That actually sums up Kaysie in a nutshell, guys.)

She'd write the letter on plain paper, though, at any rate. And probably hide it under her mattress once it was completed.

——

Dear Cy,

You’ll probably never read this. Just know that… well, I know. I know about you and her. I know how you feel about her, because I see it in your eyes. I can’t say that I like it… but… what can I do? It’s love. It’s tricky like that. And yeah… I’m happy for you. But in a weird way, I’m not. Because you’re in love with the girl that tried to kill me. And somehow that just doesn’t settle well.

Yes, I know she didn’t mean to. Or so you say. But I’m just not convinced. We live amongst warriors, Cy. We’re trained to be evil, to destroy, to turn against each other in an instant. We’re cunning people, we’re spies, assassins, warriors—because we’re trained to be. How can I know if she’s really my friend? How can I know that you’re really my friend, for that matter? You think it’s silly, these notions of mine… but think about it. Any one of us could turn on each other in an instant. Why? Because that’s what we’re trained to do, Cy. It’s what we’ve been raised to do. Betrayal is all we know.

And it scares me, you and her. Both of you do. Because you’re getting tangled up in her web. And yes, you both are my friends, but for how much longer? I’m afraid she’ll ruin you, Cy. And if there’s one person I can’t live without, it’s you. I didn’t even know it till now, but you’re my solid rock, the one person I can count on. And now that you love her… I’m afraid that will change.

I never wanted to be the jealous best friend; I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t feel like this. For what it’s worth, you have my congratulations on your newfound love. I hope it lasts, for your sake. And mine. Because… yeah, I love you. And I just don’t want to see you get hurt, no matter what happens.

—Kaysie
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  1. writingsofrosieAugust 11, 2012 at 7:57 PM

    Hey, Sky!

    I loved Kaysie's letter. I could really tell you got into character. You also have snagged my intrigue, I wish to know more about this "nameless and plotless" story!

    -Rosie

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    1. Sky DestrianAugust 11, 2012 at 8:03 PM

      Aw, thank you, Rosie! That means a lot--especially the part about staying in character. Making my characters different and getting into each one in a different way is something I feel that I don't do very well, so that was good to hear!

      Ahhh, the intrigue! Well, tell you what. You'll know more about this novel when I do. XD

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  2. Charley RobsonAugust 12, 2012 at 1:59 AM

    Aww, poor Kaysie. I bet she's one heck of a lovely protagonist to work with - assuming she is a "protagonist", if she's trained to be evil. Then agian, I like the evil ones. So I like her even more *grins*

    I may have to try this meme out for myself some time . . . it really does look rather fascinating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hannah August 12, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    Wow! I loved the letter. It was amazing!

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  4. EmilyAugust 12, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    I loved this! Can't wait to hear more about this novel!

    I should probably try to write a letter from my character's POV. My novel in the first person is starting to sound too much like me speaking, and not my character... :/

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