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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,...
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oh dear


Today I found myself typing the above phrase.

Oh dear.


It seems so nostalgic. Two words with multiple meanings. These words could be interpreted differently depending on the context.

"Oh, dear, this is terrible!"
"Oh, dear, you make me laugh."
"Oh, dear, we have a flat tire."
"Oh, dear, you are ridiculous."


Or, if you're me, you find yourself coining the phrase, "Oh my dear word." A combination of oh dear and oh my word, of course.

Saying oh dear makes me think of days long past. Of British tea-houses and dainty tea cups. Of cardigans and Irish coasts and wedge shoes.

So I'll sit here, trying to stay warm. No matter what I do, my feet are still cold. I'm wearing both fuzzy socks and fur-lined clogs, but there's still an edge of coldness beneath all the fluffy layers.

I tried drinking green tea a few minutes ago, but gagged once I reached the last mouthful. I made one of the weirdest noises I've ever made when I realized how bitter it was. I really should remember to put sugar in there.

Also, this is a rambling pointless post because I really don't know what else to say... except, Oh dear.

P.S. - I know I've been a bit slack about blog posts as of late, but if you'd like to keep up on my NaNoWriMo journey, I've created a Tumblr just for that purpose. Check it out @ The NaNo Diaries.
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  1. ashley tahgNovember 9, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    I simply love dwelling on common words and phrases, so this was a super post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Emily Ann PutzkeNovember 10, 2011 at 7:58 AM

    love it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. T.D.November 10, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    You tickle me ;) Thanks for a fun post :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousNovember 12, 2011 at 12:11 AM

    "Oh my dear word." I rather like that. I may end up using it...

    Best of luck in your NaNoing!

    ReplyDelete

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