written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,...
I've been wanting to do this for a while now, and finally I got a good amount of photos that can represent my life right now. After all of the long, huge posts I've done, I wanted to leave you with a good dose of cotton candy. If blog posts were food, this would be cotton candy. Sweet and sappy. ;)
So, I present:
if blog posts were food, this would be cotton candy
[aka, my life in photos]
Today, I went bowling with some friends for one of my good friend's birthday. I can't post any face pictures due to parental preferences, but here is a picture of our feet in ugly bowling shoes. It was super fun, but my feet were happy to be back in their own shoes once again when we were all done. ;)
Me: "I'm gonna stink at bowling."
*gets a strike on the first try*
My friends: "What's this lie about stinking?"
I got more gutter balls than anything, but it was still super fun. I did the best I could do with a 10 pound ball. Seriously? Apparently small balls are made for people with MUCH smaller finger holes than mine.
Oh, right. Ugly bowling shoes. There. See?
A couple of weeks ago, my mom, grandma, and I went on a shopping excursion. There, we got this:
A few of you are probably aware that In Christ Alone is one of my favorite songs, after the post I did about it here. If not, well, now you do know. I got this necklace to symbolize a time in my life where I learned that my faith is in Him alone. It's kind of become my theme song. ;)
In Christ Alone
Owl City's cover
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All Here in the love of Christ I stand
There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I stand
On that same shopping excursion, I bought these:
Owl City - Ocean Eyes
Relient K - The Bird and the Bee Sides / The Nashville Tennis EP
Manafest - The Chase
Now, mind you, I didn't buy the Manafest CD for myself. My brother wanted it. But there is a gorgeous song on there that I absolutely love. I'm not usually a rap person, but Trevor McNevan's appearance made me fall in love with this song - not to mention the piano parts and the beautiful lyrics.
Every Time You Run - Manafest
I thought of a song my mom used to sing in church
But it's been so long I can't remember the words
Every time you run, every time you hide
Every time it hurts, every time you cry
Every time you run away, every time you hide your face
And it feels so far away,
I'm right here, with you
Another song I LOVE from that CD is Fire in the Kitchen... but that's another story entirely. Hehe.
I've totally been enjoying the other two CDs. I'm a Owl City & Relient K fan all the way. I don't like the Bird and the Bee Sides as much as the older Relient K stuff, but I still love it and that should tell you something. My favorite songs are Hope For Every Fallen Man, There Was Another Time in my Life, & all the acoustic version of the songs.
And I love every song on Ocean Eyes, but my favorites (the ones I had never heard before purchasing the album) are The Bird and the Worm, Cave In, and Tidal Wave. I also love Hello Seattle, Vanilla Twilight, and Fireflies. Obviously. ;)
*end of music rant*
Samarah, I thought of you when I was taking this pic!
This would be another aspect of my life. Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman. We've been watching all the seasons front to back ever since my mom got them as a gift. I. Love. This. Show. The characters are so endearing, and they explore so many different aspects of life in one television show. I'd definitely have to add this to the list of my fandoms.
And who are my favorite characters? Oohhh... let's see. Horace! He never fails to make me laugh, and he always has this sweet way about him. I also like Dr. Mike and Sully, obviously, and Matthew, Colleen, and Brian. And Hank & Jake are also really fascinating because of how they can be mean one episode and nice the next. :P Anyway, I could go on for hours about this show (just ask Samarah) so if you like this show too, comment and we'll talk. ;)
Oh my word. I love coffee, just in case you don't know.
The other day, I asked my parents to bring me some coffee. They did - which was a huge treat because I hardly ever go to Starbucks.
So, I asked them to bring me a peppermint white chocolate mocha.
Also, Starbucks changed their logo. I didn't know about this until I saw the Epic Cheese vlog about it. I don't know what I think. At first I wasn't happy, but now I've gotten used to it. I don't go to Starbucks enough to get too mad about it. ;)
Anyway. I keep going on rabbit trails. I remind myself of Dug on Up.
"Squirrel!"
So, I really hope you enjoyed a taste of my life through photos! (Taste... coffee... haha, pardon the pun!) And since a picture is worth a thousand words, I think I've written a lot, don't you?
Let's have coffee have the last word, shall we? ;)
Awesome pictures!!! I'm so jealous. I don't physically own anything Owl City. I have all of the songs burned. But not a real CD. nor do I have the Relient K one! Oh yeah -- and that necklace. I want!
:P Great pictures girl. You should do this more often. Love you!
Wow, I think I need to go shopping with you!! I haven't bought anything in what seems like a while, so it would be fun to just go out and buy a few things that I loved. **sigh** Maybe after I get that job I keep talking about. Right? Of course right!
Bowling is so much fun!!!! Well, except for those shoes....they always seem to pinch my feet. :p That necklace is FABULOUS! And I love the cd's.....like Bleah, I don't own any Owl City stuff either. *sighs*
i just wrote a nice long comment and my browser crashed!!! *arghhhh* Ok I'll try to remember my beautifully written words *sigh* ;)
It so funny because I've been thinking about doing a "my life in pictures" post! ;) great minds think alike! Ugh, why do bowling shoes have to be so ugly?? Probably because the material is cheap ;) That necklace is beautiful! what a lovely treasure :) I'm lovin' that song by Manafest! thanks for sharing :) AHHH ITS DR.QUINN!!!! ok I'm done. ;) oh yes, we've had many memorable conversations about DQ :]
we need to talk! I miss you girl!! :) hope to catch up with you SOON!
Yes! Dr. Mike;) Mom gave me the whole series for Christmas and we've been working out way through. We're currently on season 5. *sniff* Only one more season *sniff*. Hmmm...well I did like Horace but in season 5 his character changes a lot (understandably so, but still) so I don't like him as much as I used to. Oh, this is a tough one. I did really like Coleen until they changed the actress who plays her in season 3. The new girl isn't half as good (and kinda whiny). So, I guess, Dr. Mike, Matthew or Grace would have to be my favorite character. And my favorite show is "The Abduction" Season 2X21. Have you seen that one yet? Do you have a favorite/least favorite show?
Btw, thanks for your encouraging words. And for sharing that song. It is beautiful.
Hehehe.... Dr. Quinn!! We've been watching that show for a few weeks now. So awesome & intriguing. I don't know how I ever lived w/o watching it before.
You are so right about Hank, Jake, Loren, etc... they are always cutting each other down the throat, or taking each other to court, etc. Then they want to be goody-goody friends in the next episode. It's funny sometimes!
It's a tough call about who my favorite character is... so I won't even go there. =)
Comments make the world go 'round... or was that chocolate?
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Awesome pictures!!! I'm so jealous. I don't physically own anything Owl City. I have all of the songs burned. But not a real CD. nor do I have the Relient K one! Oh yeah -- and that necklace. I want!
ReplyDelete:P Great pictures girl. You should do this more often.
Love you!
xx,
Bleah
Wow, I think I need to go shopping with you!! I haven't bought anything in what seems like a while, so it would be fun to just go out and buy a few things that I loved. **sigh** Maybe after I get that job I keep talking about. Right? Of course right!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, lil' sis! <3
Ooh! Cool!
ReplyDeleteI watched an episode of Dr. Quinn when I was younger and it freaked me out--for some reason. I love all the pictures, they're so cool!
P.S-I think people make bowling shoes ugly on purpose just so they can hear a variety of complaints. ;)
Bowling is so much fun!!!! Well, except for those shoes....they always seem to pinch my feet. :p
ReplyDeleteThat necklace is FABULOUS! And I love the cd's.....like Bleah, I don't own any Owl City stuff either. *sighs*
Love ya,
~Lily
I totally agree with Bleah! You lucky girl!! Great pictures :))
ReplyDelete-Jocee <3
Eeep, I LOVE Owl City!!!!!! :D And Starbucks. ;) Looks like fun!! Your lucky. LOL! I love that necklace, and the song.
ReplyDeletei love love love bowling, but i am pretty horrible at it! and that's WITH the bumpers!!
ReplyDeletei just wrote a nice long comment and my browser crashed!!! *arghhhh* Ok I'll try to remember my beautifully written words *sigh* ;)
ReplyDeleteIt so funny because I've been thinking about doing a "my life in pictures" post! ;) great minds think alike!
Ugh, why do bowling shoes have to be so ugly?? Probably because the material is cheap ;)
That necklace is beautiful! what a lovely treasure :)
I'm lovin' that song by Manafest! thanks for sharing :)
AHHH ITS DR.QUINN!!!! ok I'm done. ;) oh yes, we've had many memorable conversations about DQ :]
we need to talk! I miss you girl!! :) hope to catch up with you SOON!
love you♥
Samarah
Yes! Dr. Mike;) Mom gave me the whole series for Christmas and we've been working out way through. We're currently on season 5. *sniff* Only one more season *sniff*. Hmmm...well I did like Horace but in season 5 his character changes a lot (understandably so, but still) so I don't like him as much as I used to. Oh, this is a tough one. I did really like Coleen until they changed the actress who plays her in season 3. The new girl isn't half as good (and kinda whiny). So, I guess, Dr. Mike, Matthew or Grace would have to be my favorite character. And my favorite show is "The Abduction" Season 2X21. Have you seen that one yet? Do you have a favorite/least favorite show?
ReplyDeleteBtw, thanks for your encouraging words. And for sharing that song. It is beautiful.
Blessings!
Näna
Hehehe.... Dr. Quinn!! We've been watching that show for a few weeks now. So awesome & intriguing. I don't know how I ever lived w/o watching it before.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about Hank, Jake, Loren, etc... they are always cutting each other down the throat, or taking each other to court, etc. Then they want to be goody-goody friends in the next episode. It's funny sometimes!
It's a tough call about who my favorite character is... so I won't even go there. =)